The boys were on one side of the room and the girls on the other. Everyone was nervous but knew what they had to do. Peter Benjamin, who has been teaching cotillion class in Coronado since 1983, had instructed them. 

Photo by Alessandra Selgi-Harrigan
Parker Rodgers, right, danced with a partner during cotillion.

Mr. Benjamin’s Cotillion class is not just about dancing but about making eye contact, shaking hands firmly, making small conversation and overall using politeness. When given the signal, the music started and the boys walked over to the girls’ side picked a partner and asked her to dance. “May I have this dance?” is what they were instructed to say and the girls in turn were supposed to answer “Yes. Thank you.”

It can be awkward as many kids will confirm but it gets better with time and the youngsters become more confident with each class. The cotillion is held at Coronado Middle School Granzer Hall twice a month for six months. Sixth graders are signed up by their parents who make them go because they know the value of their kids hearing about good manners from someone else. 

Mr. Benjamin’s Cotillion started in 1954 with Benjamin’s father Donald. A group of mothers who knew he had a good knowledge of etiquette asked if he could teach their children. From that first cotillion, the classes grew and expanded to many areas. Peter Benjamin gained his knowledge from his dad and as a high schooler he had helped him teach cotillion as an assistant.

“Parents responded quite well and kids enjoyed it,” he said.

For Benjamin teaching cotillion wasn’t a choice right away. As a young man, he moved out of state for a while but when he returned he started working in partnership with his dad teaching at different locations.

When Benjamin first taught cotillion in Coronado, the class was held at the VFW hall with a small group of 30 to 40 kids. In comparison, this years’s cotillion has over 150 sixth graders split between boys and girls. 

“I want to have the kids become comfortable, have a conversation, not look at a screen, be good at listening to their partner, talk about things,” he said.

Apart from dancing Mr. Benjamin’s Cotillion also teaches about table manners and discusses thank you notes.

Anthea Rodgers’ son Parker has been in the class this year. Rodgers is happy with the results. “I am thankful that Mr. Benjamin covers other topics such as table manners. I try my best to teach my children proper etiquette at home but it is always better coming from a specialist. I remember going to a business dinner with my new boss and a retailer in the early 2000s. Despite my boss being raised in Beverly Hills, he held his knife as though he was going to stab a beast. I was absolutely appalled. I would like my kids to grow up being socially graceful. That is why all three of them will go through Mr. Benjamin’s program,” she said.

This year Benjamin teaches cotillion at seven different locations besides Coronado: Tierrasanta, Scripps Ranch, La Jolla, North County, and two in Pt. Loma.

How do parents find out about his class? “Parents find us on the website, and through word of mouth. There are many parents who studied with my dad or me. It’s a tradition,” he said. 

Benjamin, like his father, has always taught cotillion to kids in sixth grade. “It’s a good year. They are mature enough to handle the information and are going to be receptive,” he explained. 

The dress code is another requirement of the class; girls have to wear dresses and boys slacks and dress shirts. Benjamin himself provides the good example wearing a suit and tie.

Although Benjamin has an imposing height and he uses his serious, strict voice to handle the large groups, he can also be funny and crack jokes that everyone enjoys. “It keeps me young I feel that I’m making an impact on the future of these kids, they are better prepared to be young adults. It’s very fulfilling,” he said.

“Children have more limited opportunity to experience personal connections than I was when I was young. Technology separates people from people. Mr. Benjamin’s cotillion teaches important qualities of human interaction,” he explained. The skills learned during cotillion like making eye contact and firm handshake will be an asset in the future during a job interview and overall interaction with people.

“All in all I feel cotillion is a necessity for our sixth graders,” said Rodgers. “The lessons learned go beyond asking a boy or girl to dance. It is all about how you conduct yourself in social and business situations. It is understanding what is social acceptable and getting comfortable in very uncomfortable situations. Despite my son’s protests and him likening cotillion to the eighth level of Hell from Dante’s Inferno, every other Thursday at around 6 p.m., he jumps in the shower, combs his hair through with product and puts on his suit and tie. He is usually ready an hour before we are meant to leave so I question how much he really hates it.”

For more information log on www.mrbenjamins.com

Source: Coronado Eagle & Journal